It was a surprisingly sunny and cheerful day when she walked into my office. She was tall and dark, but not ethnic enough to be frightening. She strolled up to my desk and looked at me like a cat with an erection but all I owned were dogs.
She said she was being harassed by a man in her neighborhood but the cops would do anything about it. I asked her if she wanted him killed and she looked at me a badger with an erection, hard and strong.
I laughed hoping she thought I was kidding. I told her I’d detect because I was a detective and that’s what we generally did. I told her when I took a job I was like a squid with an erection, all focused in one direction.
She left and I said I’d see her tomorrow.
She was brutally murdered by the guy she suspected that night. I cashed the check and took the next case like a man with an erection because I was.
Sometimes we say “he looks so sad” and “poor buddy looks upset” about our cats. (Our cats, not the Sarah Mclaughlin song cats). But in truth if our cats are sad that really just means they’re assholes.
If you feed, clean up poop, and love on someone generally at their discretion and then they say they were depressed you’d call them an asshole. So what…because some fluffy bastard (they don’t get married so that’s accurate) without aposable thumbs is upset so it is cool? No, that’s an asshole! That’s like a Hollywood star complaining that they got an IPhone 4 in their giftbag and not an IPhone 5. Screw you, cat. You should want a Galaxy S4 anyways, dumbass kitty.
Your cat is an asshole.
kevinmcvicker asked: I'm excited about Punisher & read Black Widow because of your Grifter issues. Only you, Ellis, & Whedon have made BW interesting to me. Who will your Frank be following in continuity terms: Marc, Greg, or Garth (or DnA)? I'll still read regardless.
Our Punisher, without rebooting, starts at issue 1. It won’t contradict the most recent iterations of Punisher, but read it for its own story, not as a sequel. That’s my advice—beyond that, you’ll have to just see what’s in store.
New review is up for All-New X-Men 22.Now